I guess after the blog about the man and dog, many of you are saying "yep, she is crazy". Too emotional a reaction to such everyday experiences.
Others will be saying, "Oh no the whole yoga thing and suddenly she's turning to Buddhism!"
It is neither. It is part of MY Bipolarity. I react strongly to everything both light and dark, but the dark is the one I must be careful of. I feel intensely connected to the entire world. I cry easily over disasters. I empathise and despair in equal quantities when reading about or seeing the human condition in all its misery. I feel it personally. It is as if I am caught in an emotional tractor-beam between 'out there' and 'inside me'.
So perhaps this is the very definition of crazy! If that's true then I am happily crazy, as this same intensity gives me the intense colours of the autumn leaves, winter sky blue, multi-hued stormy seas, vivid green grasses and highlytextured surfaces everywhere (tree bark, Fed Squre, the wrought iron, bluestone bridge foundations... all images I associate with my home town, Melbourne. Add to this the tram squeels on tracks, the occasional electrical spark from the old W classes, the thunderous echo of the trains on the Spencer Street overpasses along with the smells of the nut factory in Windsor (the once, sweet and potent smell of the brewery that was in ictoria Street).
These are the things that remind me I am alive. They are at times joyous and uplifting and at other times, dark, brooding and oppressive.
Well, hey that's just me.
How can I describe the intensity, the vivacity, the luminosity of my world. It is different to how most people perceive things and it is this 'over-the-top' reactivity that make me, who I am. It is why the tears flow so easily, both for grief and elation.
And these responses are when I am adequately medicated and in my NORMAL range (-3 to +3).
Imagine the despair and ecstasy when outside this 'safe' band?
It is why I am on Facebook, and Eblogger. It is how I share what it is to be me, and to allow you to know why I care so deeply about so many things.
This self-revelation is how I am beginning to understand myself, and to accept myself.
It is how I am able to claim with confidence that I will not act out any futures suicide ideations, as I now know that I must maintain the external perspective on my own thinking.
To recognise the danger signs and ensure that I have the confidence that it is temporary and worth struggling through to come out the other side and into the light again.
It is also why today I feel drawn to make links with the people on the "voices for Death Row inmates" and try to find how I can set this pc to fax mode , to add my voice to the group petitioning the Governor of Texas for clemancy for David Lee Powell.
It is also which drew me to decide to post the image which leads this blog (the old journalistic truism... "if it bleeds, it leads"). And unlike many people who use the Internet for propaganda I do let the truth get in the way of a good story, as this image of Alan Lee Davis was not from December 2009 (as one 'voice' posted) but is from July 1988.
It shows an act of pure barbarism by the State of Florida. One can only say that this man's torture did effect change. His death means that the electric chair is seldom used for execution in the US today, but the preference for lethal injection is also fraught. Many executees have suffered under this practice also, more often due to the fact that veins collapse and the lethal medication cannot be injected after many, many, abortive attempts, and prolonged delays (even days).
This is still horrendous barbarism.
The story of Alan Lee Davis
July 8, 1999. Florida. Allen Lee Davis. Electrocution. "Before he was pronounced dead ... the blood from his mouth had poured onto the collar of his white shirt, and the blood on his chest had spread to about the size of a dinner plate, even oozing through the buckle holes on the leather chest strap holding him to the chair."[45] His execution was the first in Florida's new electric chair, built especially so it could accommodate a man Davis's size (approximately 350 pounds). Later, when another Florida death row inmate challenged the constitutionality of the electric chair, Florida Supreme Court Justice Leander Shaw commented that "the color photos of Davis depict a man who -- for all appearances -- was brutally tortured to death by the citizens of Florida."[46] Justice Shaw also described the botched executions of Jesse Tafero and Pedro Medina (q.v.), calling the three executions "barbaric spectacles" and "acts more befitting a violent murderer than a civilized state."[47] Justice Shaw included pictures of Davis's dead body in his opinion.[48] The execution was witnessed by a Florida State Senator, Ginny Brown-Waite, who at first was "shocked" to see the blood, until she realized that the blood was forming the shape of a cross and that it was a message from God saying he supported the execution.
Oh really? Who's God? Not one I am familiar with.
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