More showbiz fun....

Congratulations to Oz Equity Cares
on the great job last Sunday night at the National Theatre (and of course in Brisbane and Sydney also).

Thanks also to the wonderful performers who gave their time and talent to the show on their only night off. Pity the Act 1 people decided not to stay for the finale... that sould have been special.

I cannot believe the effort put in by the magnificent cast of West Side Story. Your production number, Roxanne was worth the standing ovation. I wasn't going to see the production at the Regent (given I have seen several over the years) but the sheer brilliance of the dancers was enough to warrant another look at this very special ensemble.

Applause also to Rolling Entertainment.... are you graduates from NICA? You are great. Pity my 60th won't be able to budget for you... but then again you will all be too old yourselves by then.

Similar, thanks go to the Mary Poppins singers who put together a rendition of Circle of Life. Well chosen, and sung. Very affirming way to end procedings. Phil Quast 'you old crooner'... you made an Aznavour song sound like a Sondheim classic bitter sweet show tune... or was it?

Speaking of another show due to open that I had not intended to see, Hairspray... OMG... what a performance from Trevor AShley as.... Edna Turnblad doing Liza... or was that Trevor doing Liza or Liza doing Boy from Oz's Liza... You also deserved the hearty standing ovation. What a show stopper!

I also want to thank the Young Gay and Lesbian Chorus. Often simple says it all, and standing still dressed simply in black with the red ties, backed by the AIDS quilts had me in tears as you sang 'In the Arms of an Angel'. I tried to stay unemotional but just couldn't and one very particular quilt piece ripped my heart out.

Well done Johnno and Annie and crew. It is great that the fund has raised over $700,000 but hey we should be at SOLD OUT capacity in this venue and aiming for the Palais. Let's really push for 2011... and I know just how difficult it is to organise a variety show to hold momentum and energy from top to curtain. Keep at it people your commitment is so valuable.

Orange and Green but with diamantes...

"oh my father he was orange and my mother she was green..." The lyrics that sum up my Saturday the 21st.

I cannot remember such an enjoyable day with me wearing my two most opposing 'hats'. The day began at the Polling Booth which I had 'adopted' on behalf of GetUp. Wearing my bright orange (yep... flattering colour!... well not so bad on me actually), handing out scorecards on the actual policies announced by the three major parties. I handed out over 1500 in around four hours... that was indicative of just how tight the Federal Election was, with so many still "undecided" and accepting our cards. Some of course were just being polite and taking everything so as not offend any volunteers but many were actually interested and reading the check lists.

Needless to say I was challenged very early by a man pushing to see if we (GetUp) were actually spruiking The Greens. We had been warned about this and that these people would most likely be workers for the two major parties attempting to have us breach our legal duties of endorsing NO POLITICAL PARTY and definitely NOT advising anyone how to vote. I was very careful to point out that we were scoring announced policies only and that the voters should use the card to find the party whose policies were important to them!

It is not my fault, not GetUp's 750,000 members fault that Bob Brown's Party had the more popular policies across a range of environmental and social justice issues. Thus not surprisingly the Green's votes reflected this in the returns across the Nation.

As proof that GetUp was unaligned one need only read today's Age coverage to see that in Malcolm Turnball's electorate in NSW, GetUp scorecards actually pointed out that BOTH major party candidates held views different from their own parties on many of these important issues (Refugee processing and Climate Change etc). Hence Turnball had an increased swing and I do not believe it was simply that his was a safe Lib seat.

Also it is indicative of a broad backlash against the negative and lowest common denominator slur campaigns waged by the ALP and LIbs that there was an increased INFORMAL vote... yep. I predicted it yesterday and called it the "Latham Factor". In two Sydney electorates there were over 13% of the recently counted votes considered informal. This is no accident as in both electorates, Blaxland and Watson have had an almost 6% increase in informal votes since the last election. Even in my safe Lib seat there was a small swing against Greg Hunt the sitting member and Shadow Environment minister. We also doubled our informal vote from around 2% last time to over 4% in this election.

With Eden-Monaro holding just a ALP it looks like Gillard will be in the better position to negotiate a Government with the cross benchers, as they have the greater two-party preferred despite an abysmal primary vote in the mid thirties. So the winners by a mile... a Governement held responsible for every vote in the House and no mandate for either side... great to marginalise the Party Power Brokers at last.

So I see it as a win for The Greens and a win for GetUp in taking up the old Democrat mantle to"keep the bastards honest".... so yep Orange and Green... my parents would be so proud.

Then just to round off the day the best poll of the day. McKenney for Peter Allen or Hugh Jackman. Let me tell you it is McKenney by a mile. I was lucky enough to see Todd play Peter Allen in the original production and have seen clips (Tony Awards etc) of Hugh doing Boy from Oz and the performances were both strong. As all my friends know I avoid Arena Productions like the plague so it will come as no surprise that the cast was a revelation for me, having not seen Fem Belling's Liza or Christen O'Leary's Judy. Whilst I stand by my original claim that Angela Toohey 'was' Liza and Chrissie Amphlett was scary in that she virtually 'channelled' Graland in the original, these two newer cast members are very strong and amazing also. It was always goin to be hard to fill the high heels of the original two stars, and Fem and Christen do the Company proud.

As for my dearest friend Todd, (yes I am biased... but I can be very objective when reviewing.. just ask another friend, Jodie), he is "to die for". I can now say he has grown into the role even more. His vocal production and resonance is so much better than the nineties performance and his dancing is as good as ever (it was Award winning then!). He is fitter than I have seen him in years and keeps the young hoofers on their toes also. His Rockettes-line is precision, and whilst I have seen Jackman kick higher, McKenny knows that the secret to 'the line' is not height but the evenness with the girls and the differing heights of the dancers. It has to be mirror across the row. This one is... a true Rockette's moment.

Nancye Hayes direction is also masterful. She knows dance and how to sell a show. When I caught up after the performance I congratulated her and told her Pounder would be watching from above with pride. Nancye then showed me a special locket that she always wears commemorating Betty... how amazing and so touching. There are times when I cannot escape the profound legacy the Williamson people have given the Industry in this Country. This was another such moment, as was seeing Jack Webster onstagein Poppins, John Scandrett's System Sound ' The choice' the new promoters, Peter Casey and Michael Tyack waving batons in the Pit, and of course Robbo guiding Cam Mac Australia. ( Nor do I want to leave out Sue Nattrass for all her years at the helm of the VAC). WOW! (To think I had a small insignificant part in this hisotry also.).

Away from reverie and back to the now!

Robyn Arthur's Marion is magnificent. Whereas originally one felt Perryman was wasted in this role, by the sensible and clever re-writing and re-working of the book, Marion is given the powerful position narratively the script needed. And when she gets "Robbie's Turn" it is worth the wait, literally bringing the house down. Well done girl.... you are spectacular!

David Harris is also better placed by the re-working, as Greg becomes more foregrounded. By he removing the pretense of Boy from Oz being a traditional 'book musical' and moving towards a more modern 'sung-through libretto' with the only linear breaks occuring as Todd's Peter works the audience, cabaret-style, the production itself shines and glitters in a way the original did not.

The I still call Australia Home and Rio routines last time felt forced and 'un'-integrated, this time they flow from the patter and narrative more cohesively... they belong and fit at last. That was my biggest complaint in the original. This allows Todd McKenney to 'become' Peter and to work the audience as he used to do (remember Up in One at the Maj anybody?) And whilst Peter's American twang grated on me, and his Vegas gyrations seemed so over-wrought at the time, both play well now in the new century when replicated by McKenney.

This is an all-star vehicle and whilst the Production Company and Jeanne Pratt would like to sell all the shows as such, this time it is true. The power of the production comes from its commitment to the production. The set is functional and minimal, yet the sparkling backdrop... perfect, allowing the focus to be on the p;erformers at all times. We do not come away singing the sets and costumes this time... and even Rio is a tad toned down in colour palate and much to the better. the period costumes from Bandstand, to seventies NY Village to the unbiquitous legwarmers for the cattle call, everything is perfect.

I cannot go past the wonderful Fosse-esq choreo for Liza... ah the white gloves and bowler hat. Belling is great and we recognised instantly the red fringed-dress and vest with cuffs. This is a Minelli-esq moment also.

Being small in stature herself O'Leary nails the fragility of Garland and this time the 'ghost character' whites are so effective. There was not a dry eye in the house for "Quiet Please, There's a Lady on Stage" and "Don't Cry Out Loud".

The songs themselves take on a more powerful place in the popular music canon when combined with the magnificence of the renditions coming from the State Theatre stage. And John Foreman's small stage orchestra brings all the power of a full traditional pit orchestra to the score.

I can't ever remember having raved so much about a production. Perhaps only the original Les Mis in Sydney. I cannot wait to go back in January if it isn't already sold out. But reading between the lines on a couple of conversations last night (there may be more performances in Melbourne and touring is not 100% out of the realm of possibility). I hope so. This show deserves to run and run and take on the McIntosh staples... we Aussies can match it with the best.

As for the vote... Jackman versus McKenney... for me it is McKenney all the way.

Not a Recipe Exchange blog...

Why the macaroons I hear you ask? Well it is just a reminder of how I put on the extra 70 kgs in the first place. I didn't often cook macaroons (indeed can't ever remember having cooked them) but when I was/am stressed and feeling out of control I crave sweet calorie laden cakes and desserts. Well that's today. It is a cold wintry day reminiscent of my childhood. My mother would always spend Saturday baking the weekly cakes, cookies, slices and desserts. The kitchen always had a sweet aroma and trays of goodies cooling. My Dad didn't think there ocould be a night-time meal without a dessert, and there was always weekend afternoon teas, mid-morning snacks and even suppers during card and board games. It was a fun way to live but not good for a person with a tendency to stack on the kilos if not doing rigorous excercise. Needless to say my whole family was sporty and I had my moments but when I stopped acting (and dancing classes) I began to pack on the weight.

I can say that I am pleased half of the excess is now gone but my emotions are playing havoc with my will-power, despite hypnotherapy! It is holding in as far as fast food and fried food, both really repulse me but it just cannot defeat sugar and chocolate. It is that whole need to reward oneself at times of stress... a reward for surviving it? No sense at all but hey we are talking the sub-conscious here.

Also my alcohol consumtion is vastly reduced (due to it also being calorific and EXPENSIVE... at least anything I like drinking).... so the cakes seem really obtainable instead. GRRR. will need even stronger mind-control and respect for my new body.

Can someone, probably a woman tell me how to respect my new body when attempting to deny a broken heart? It doesn't get easier with age, I can assure you no matter how many times you rationalise and tell yourself that you won't succumb. My dear old battered ego needed a good dose of flattery and I fell for it all.

Am trying to get out and about but when feeling emotionally isolated one's eyes are always drawn towards the apparently happy couples everywhere... well not everywhere just where the middle-classes come out to play. I have been seated amongst roughly 3 - 4,000 people in theatre audiences and galleries lately and what is disturbing is my shallowness. I am judging everybody on their appearance... clothes, what they drink, how they speak and treat one another... particularly the blokes. It is scary that only 3... yep, 3 blokes have passed my supercritical gaze... Is it any wonder I am alone and eating cakes on a Saturday evening?

Well as you can see my dear friends I have loads more work to do before I can claim any semblance of emotional wellness or mood stability... but I am working on it.

Slack on the electronic front.

My head has been taken up with politics lately. To quote The Bard... A Pox on Both your Houses. I have been twittering again and of course posting political and human rights links on FB. I am also leading an "adopt a polling booth campaign" at my local through GET UP. You have to go to vote anyway so why not assist GetUp in this campaign so that voters can vote on the issues and not along Party lines or confuse State and Federal responsibilities... even Abbott's promise today on teacher salaries is ludicrous as it is a STATE responsibility and the Feds cannot mandate it!

As for the promises for Rail in Victoria, Rail infrastructure in NSW... well how do we guarantee it will happen this time with both levels of Government responsible AND accountable for any stuff ups or delays?

I am also sick to death of the NBN being described as "welfare for tech heads"... I am so reliant on broadband speeds and reliability otherwise i would be driving to bloody Lilydale every day clogging up the roads, using fossil fuels, paying tolls, and making my greenhouse footprint even worse than usual. How can this all be ignored and not factored into the arguments? I am not a tech-head just literate and functioning as a worker.

GRRRR I am angry as usual... Could the ALP "do a jump to the left... rather than steps to the right"?

I am also working on my Exegesis as we speak so I guess the anger is keeping me from Depression so this is a good thing.

If only I could be stable for a few more weeks as the deadlines are looming.

From the gloved one... no not that one!

Would you believe I am sitting at home wearing my purple woollen gloves? I have paid the heating bills and no it is not freezing. This is a new one even for me... I am wearing gloves so as to not scratch my face, arms and generally visible skin!

Given that this is a mood and wellness diary, this needs to be recorded. I have been battling off depressive swing for around five days now and have been doing everything I can think of to keep the endorphins flowing... but 'everything' is not working as expected.

I am meditating to the CD from my wonderful hypnotherapist Carolyn, and I am able to fight off the teary moments and panic attacks tightening my heart muscles. They are truly scarey and one has to have had one to understand that if a heart attack is worse pain than this.... please God spare me. I do the breathing into a paper bag when hyperventillating but have been unable to get to yoga (which I so obviously desperately need right now). And as for Art therapy... well let's just say that a trusted person equated it with "basket weaving" the other day. Wham another kick in the guts to devalue my wellness routine... so instead of going I sit at home feeling guilty and crying instead! What I wouldn't give to splash black paint all over a canvas and free up my anger right now! And somewhere where I can forget about making a mess on the carpet... Basket weaving indeed... lead by a trained therapist arts practitioner... how dare this person!

This is not the first (nor will it be the last) time that this person in authority undermines my wellness regimes. She already openly expresses disdain for the work of my psychiatrist... the wonderful Dr John who has kept me alive for over twenty years now (and that of the wonderful Gerald for ten years before him). Again this is gross misconduct to infringe on private medical treatment in this manner. But what to do... I can only attempt to resolve the conflict in the only effective way I know... by writing.

People dismiss Stephen Fry's daily Twitters but I suspect they perform a more important function than self-promotion. To my way of thinking, by twittering or blogging in a public forum we BMDs are able to gather strength from the fact that there is a positive and supportive readership somewhere 'out there' on our side. We must 'make it' to repay their faith that we can. many of these perceived readers may be 'like us' just longing for someone to understand the illness and to prove that we can win... no matter what is thrown our way.

I would also like to explore the idea that the much criticised chaotic and random thoughts illuminated by my writing are in fact valuable insights into how the mind of a BMD person functions. What I am always trying to do is to discover patterns and linkages across all apparently random and disparate threads of experience.

It is my belief that by finding these connections I can make sense of the world and see a better and clearer way ahead. This in turn reassures me that the bad times are only temporary and that they will be over once I discover the greater meaning or clearer path through.

I am currently supposed to be writing about madness and creativity IN AN ACADEMIC WAY... yet what I want to write is this material and in this style and voice. This is my working through ideas surrounding madness and creativity, and indeed generativity.

So why the gloves... I hear you say.

Wel,l the tension and aggression being forced beneath the surface is emerging at night through insomnia and just so that there is no respite from the anxiety in daylight hours, I have developed a (and I can't believe I am typing this word) psychsomatic itch and allergic reaction!

I am sitting gloved to not scratch as I have red whelts all over my arms, neck and scalp. I am smothered head to toe in aloe vera cream, as phenergan merely sedates me temporarily and of course I get zero written for my PhD! Again.

So the current course of action... aloe vera cream, soft old trackies and gloves... no man-made fibres at all!

Now I am testing to see if I can concentrate and write. If I can do this blog I can attempt to find rational thought structures in my writing for my academic work...

Well at least that is what I am praying for today! Here goes.

Only connect

I heard on ABC radio last week that anyone who spoke about class in Australia today is seen as an intellectual lepper.. an out of touch old Marxist with too simplistic an understanding of 'modern society'. Well I am sorry I do not agree. There is nothing simplistic about understanding the ramifications of an economic system based on profits and pure capitalism, when even Governments watch fiscal bottom lines rather than social responsibilities. It may have been naive to position Communism as the desirable social model but hey let's not throw the proverbial baby out with the bathwater!

This occurred in a week when at University my supervisor told me my writing was basically "all over the shop", disjointed and even random... or more precisely confused and disorganised.

Perhaps it is/was. But I cannot accept that speaking about class and social capital in the C21st century is outmoded. maybe if one lives a cossetted middle-class existence in a comfy gentrifying inner suburb with sufficient income to make ends meet, say six figures... it may appear that way.

But I live in a different milieu one that uncomfortably straddles two classes... the comfortable middle class bourgeoisie and the working poor and unemployed underclass. And whilst it is simplistic to claim that social problems are exclusively found in a particular class, there can be no denying that by having access to education and income life choices offer a greater choice of escape routes, chosen or not. It is having options that allow freedom, power and self-determination.

Many women, by virtue of holding the lesser financially stable (or even viable) position are constrained in their choices but by far the most severe cases where gender intersects with economics is in the area of class. I will never turn my back on this class war as a 70s style feminist. And whislt disagreeing with many women's choices I can at least understand them and empathise with their situations.

Does that make my novel's themes irrelevant today... or are they deemed passe, unacceptable or just plain unfashionable? So now we have 'acceptable victims of society' and 'unacceptable victims of society'.

It seems to play out like this in my mind; there are those who have 'had things done to them by society (usually in the name of good intentions), like the stolen generations and the forgotten children. These are the 'deserving victims of Australia'. In this camp are the 'good refugees', those fleeing war and persecution but arriving via the controlled screening methods. Then there are the 'undeserving victims'... the slackers, dole bludgers, dollar-driven welfare mothers and the queue jumpers.

How powerful is the rhetoric? But wait deconstruct it a bit further... especially the welfare recipients classification. Could not the term underlass be substituted? If this term is mobilised then society indeed has had an active role in constructing their position and power (or lack thereof). They too have been 'done unto' and not always in the guise of good intentions.

What happens when progressive Governments send manufacturing offshore where labor costs are significantly cheaper for Industry? We have a generation or two of workers who were content to work on the production lines... many even took pride in their labour, going home each day knowing that there was something solid to show for their exertion. Many even prided themselves on their dexterity and skill sets, along with a sense of purpose in financially providing for their families.

Now I am not speaking gender here... just what appears to me a middle-class devaluing of unskilled trades which drove our economic policies (and most other Western nations in the eighties, nineties and now).

Many female workers were exploited on factory floors and in machine shops but the Unions gave them a voice. We obtained (in theory) equal pay and maternity leave provisions, sick leave, hilday leave and the 38 hour week through the collective actions of bothe women and men unionists standing side by side to obtain a better work-life balance.

At the beginning of the C21st we have an emasculated Union movement and an exploited and fearful labourforce, with unskilled laborers confined to casualised and lowly paid service sector jobs. No-one works 38 hours as full-time employment these days... not even the boureoisie, many of whom are at their desks until well after 6pm at night, just to ensure they are perceived as taking their employment responsibilities seriously.

And what of those in our community whose parents cannot sustain employment for whatever reason.... housing instability due to suburban gentrification, negative gearing and escalating rental prices, reliance on poor public transport infrastructure or choices between affording and running a car and housing costs close to work opportunities?

When do the YUPPIES and DINKS recognise that not everybody has the same choices?

Just this week I attended a Magistrates Court and yet again the unequality is there in full view. The disenfranchised appear with monotonous regularity, their lives seemingly 'medicated' by booze and drugs. Next the downward spiral of legal costs, court hearings, records, bail, probation, criminal records, decreased employment opportunities whilst participating in Court Mandated 'mutual obligations' or ' community services' which in turn imapct negatively on Centrelink work diaries and 'preparedness for work'. Catch 22. Lack of employment due to track record.

Add in poor or little education, severe learning disabilities, mental illness, drug addiction and domestic violence and sexual abuse and then tell me that these people are 'underserving victims' of our society.

Today I have had a phone conversation with an acquaintance who is a single mother of two beautiful little girls. She is trying to study part-time to gain better employment opportunities whilst using the amount of child care she can afford on her Centrelink payment whilst paying private rental and trying to keep her car on the road. She is a single mother as a result of living in an abusive relationship (where the girls' father abused alcohol and drugs). He also threatened her many times with a registered fire arm kept in the house... as the gun must be kept at the house of the license holder (suburbia) even when it is deemed necessary for shooting feral animals and vermin on his family's farm some two hours drive away.

Yep, that's a safe home in this circumstance isn't it?

This man had his gun license suspended whilst having an alcohol interlock device fitted to his car... but now that his family have left him through fear, the Courts have deemed it safe to return his gun license! He has threatened his ex-wife's life with the bloody thing. She has an intervention order which he willfully ignores and the local police (who are frantically busy) ignore repeated calls to address his intervention breaches... as he is usually gone by the time they get there and there is no evidence! So no police action, no paperwork trail, no evidence for Court... only a woman in fear of her life and waiting for him to murder both herself and their daughters.

Is this a class issue? He also has no employment because if he holds a job he would have to pay maintenance. On welfare he doesn't have to... and he can keep paying his mortgage by living with another working single mother and her children, whilst he receives Centrelink benefits. No proof as they keep a separate bedroon for his new 'housemate' who as a sole parent couldn't afford to live in a house near her employment otherwise. It also allows her children stability of schooling to stay in the area.

Choices?

Options?

As if!

Then let's look at another acquaintances twenty-one year old daughter. Left school at Year 9 because she is functionally illiterate and very disruptive. Like many young women her focus is on gaining a boyfriend, who just might be Prince Charming and bring with him the possibility of a home and family. She studies at TAFE, gets a low level qualifiaction in a service Industry and works very long hours for very little pay. From her perspective her friends (unemployed and students) are having a much better time socialising each weekend whilst she is salving away in a kitchen.

It does not take a rocket scientist to realise that she will be tempted away from her employment which is not stable anyway to go back on welfare and party with her friends... after all that's where a Prince Charming might emerge. Sometimes it happens. She has friends who have met and coupled with young male apprentice tradespeople who have a solid future ahead. That's what she longs for... but again alcohol and binge drinking are part of the environs. Very soon she fails her 'job readiness' test through breaches due to hang overs and day-time sleeping in. Then the job offers are worse. More casual, reliant on non-standard working hours (meaning need for own transport). She can only afford an unreliable car which does not allow for a solid work attendance and major financial burdons to keep the thing going.

Inevitably, this young woman perceives pregnancy as a 'career option'. She wants a family and sees that being home with children might be the answer. The government pension looks good through her eyes, as she has never tried to provide a home for her family on such a sum, and the baby bonus does appear generous. Ah but where does she and her baby live? Her mother has re-partnered and lives in her step-father's home with his family. Her boyfriend is drinking, gambling and totally unreliable. She begins to fear his outbursts and rage. There is a ten year waiting list at the Ministry for Housing in this area and even longer further away from Melbourne.

Are we as a society not culpable in this situation also? How can we have an education system that allows 14 and 15 year olds to finish and enter a competitive labourmarket with no skills and no functional literacy? Would this have happened if her parents had paid for a Private Education? I think not... or if she was functionally illiterate, her family could have at least supported her through levels of TAFE studies until she was employable and skilled... by paying the fees.

I despair, when I am constantly told that my outlook on life is 'outmoded'. Is this not examples of class in all these scenarios? Working-poor, Howard's battlers... call them what you will, but I say they are the new Australian underclass. Whilst our society is so unequal in opportunity the issue of class will continue to underpin my writing... and to deny the importance of class demonstrates to me the degree of disconnect between the lived experiences of the educated boureoisie and the rest of us.

Only connect, that's all I ask of my peers.